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The World According to Bell - 2007 Season (2006, 2005, 2004 & 2003 Seasons)
WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASSFor some absurd reason getting up each Saturday morning before 6.30 to supervise Field Duty doesn't bother me, as long as what needs to be done is done & on time. It gets a bit harder when I've gotta back up Sunday morning, but hey, that's part of the gig. But it gets really hard when I arrive at the ground in semi-darkness to find some brain dead imbeciles have had their Saturday night kicks by tearing down our goalposts at the northern end of all 3 fields. Fortunately we were able to get the posts on Fields 2 & 3 back in, but not so Field 1 where the posts themselves were broken. Again fortunately we were able to restrict Field 1 to Under 9 games using the aluminium posts and to transfer PL 2 to Field 3, so in the end all scheduled games were played. If anyone knows the poor excuses for human beings who carried out this mindless vandalism I trust you will alert the appropriate authorities. But rather than insulting my own intelligence by wasting words on such scum, here are some more subtle insults from some of history's finest: "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." – Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." – Clarence Darrow "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." – Groucho Marx "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." – Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." – Oscar Wilde "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." – John Bright "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." – Irvin S. Cobb "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." – Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." – Paul Keating "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." – Jack E. Leonard "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." – Robert Redford "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." – Thomas Brackett Reed "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." – Bette Midler "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" – Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." – Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." – Oscar Wilde IT’S GOOD NEWS WEEK“It's Good News Week, someone dropped a bomb somewhere Well, maybe Hedgehoppers Anonymous were a touch cynical when they sung about Good News Week. But there's been plenty of real good news around the club in the last week. Good News 1 - Apart from those sides with Byes everyone had a game last weekend, woo hoo! No doubt there were a few scratchy performances that can clearly be put down to the stop-start effect of weather & holidays, with any luck there'll be another game next week to get back on track. Good News 2 - There was a sensational roll up for Field & Canteen Duty on Saturday morning and those that were there really put their hands up to help. This meant that the fields were ready to go by 8 am rather than the usual mad rush. Congratulations to the players & parents from the 12/1's and 10/1B's for a great effort. Good News 3 - Due to popular demand (always wanted to say that) we will be holding a second Trivia & Dance Night towards the end of the season at Deepwater Motor Boat Club. Seems a lot of people missed out on the first one so get in early to book your table for this one. The format will be similar to the first one with a brand new band to entertain us, full details will be out next week. Good News 4 - We will be holding a major raffle to recoup some of the lost revenue suffered as a result of all the washouts. EVERY PLAYER will be expected to sell a small number of tickets to ensure we can provide for everyone come presentation time. Good News 5 - The following letter was received by King Ruffy last week; Congratulations AGAIN to the 12/1's for their outstanding sportsmanship, and to Condell Park for going to the trouble to formally recognise it. I sincerely hope there is more good news to report next week! THE WEEKEND OFF …You would think a couple of weekends off with the wet weather would be welcomed, a chance to relax for a change rather than planning & effecting a major logistical operation for the family each day. No need to work out who's playing where and when, who's going to take who, how , why .....whatever! But I soon discovered, as I'm sure did many of you, that our children have some sort of reserve social agenda in place, a contingency plan that ensures if sport is off, a range of other activities kick in. Not surprisingly, these activities invariably involve some level of parental participation in terms of transport, time & cash. So rather than having a leisurely Saturday morning studying the form for places where the racetracks are not under water, in readiness for an afternoon assault on the TAB & Reschs at the RSL Sports Bar, all available time & cash is once again diverted to catering to our offsprings' need for constant entertainment & social interaction. What happened to curling up under the doona with a good book on days when the number of millimetres of rainfall exceeds the temperature and the wind chill factor is about minus 10? Surely there are assignments, homework sheets, revision notes, some semblance of schoolwork that will provide a few hours of "free" entertainment - "free" to the parents of course, both in time & monetary terms. We 40 plus year olds seem to have lived a life where we spent the first half being pushed around by our parents and most of the second half being pushed around by our kids. When do we get our turn? Only an optimist, I would suggest, is expecting we get one. I know some parents/teams took their charges to indoor centres to allow them to release the energy build up caused by lack of training & playing. Some kids were quite literally climbing the walls, having headed to the YMCA for some rock climbing. The Blue Light disco, rather than being a quick night out & in bed early for soccer, became an "EVENT" lasting several hours and involving more make up than a Girls' School 30th reunion. But I must admit that, overall, the activities were sensible and made the most of the inclement conditions. EXCEPT for a little story I must share about my son Scott and his mates, who have a penchant for indulging their body boarding passion throughout the year. They had decided to hit the beach at sparrow f**t a couple of Saturdays ago and yours truly was the designated driver. I woke at 6am to wind & rain & a message telling me they were still going. Despite my suggestions this was folly they insisted on heading out to Cronulla. As the rain poured down, the wind blew & the car felt like it would be swept away any minute, the news on the radio told of "continuing heavy rain, gale force winds and dangerous surf." Even then, I had to bribe them with breakfast at Maccas to talk them out of going. The final insult though, came as usual from BDAFA who want our PL2 1sts & Reserves to play a catch up game on Wednesday, July 4. At night. State of Origin night. Methinks the water has seeped into their scones....... OUR PRESIDENT …One thing you learn when you volunteer to stand on a committee is that you just can't please all of the people all of the time. In fact, it's sometimes hard to please some people any time. So, we just go about doing our designated tasks to the best of our ability in the hope we have assisted to provide our children & their friends the opportunity to enjoy competitive team sport in a supportive, safe and encouraging environment. The piece below was not written by me and is not about this Club, but it is a wonderful summary of the difficulties faced by committee members and, in particular, the President. “OUR PRESIDENT If he is in the club, he haunts the place Food for thought? I certainly hope so. TRIVIA NIGHT & AFTERMATHWell our first fundraising function for 2007 is done & dusted. Judging by the feedback from those who attended the night was a resounding success - I'd be very interested to know by how much our attendees swelled the bar coffers of Panania RSL! It was certainly no place for the faint hearted. Apart from the plethora of tired bodies and sore heads on Sunday, we had a broken leg and other minor scrapes as the freely flowing fluids fooled many of us into believing our bodies could shake, rattle & roll like they did a couple of decades ago. My excuse was the lack of room on stage due to the band, but Dr Reschs must take some responsibility. The disappointing aspect of the night was the number of “no shows”. 4 tables were vacant due to sides committing to filling a table & either not turning up or having only a few turn up. If we had known these tables were vacant we could have chased up other people to fill them, now we are 20% behind our fund raising target for the night which limits what the club can provide. But enough of the negatives, there were plenty of positives. Having a live band to assist with the night and play after the trivia was a gamble, but turned out to be the right move. Brett Dryden & his band "Itchy Brother" added another dimension to the trivia questions and were wonderfully obliging in difficult circumstances, we thank them wholeheartedly for their assistance. Other particular thank you's go to are:
Premier League vs Over 35sPlease don't get too excited , we wouldn't dare put anyone through the agony of watching our elite make mince meat of the "more experienced" members of our club. No, I'm referring to the veritable feast of soccer that was available at Kelso from 3 o'clock last Saturday. While Field 1 was occupied by our Premier League First Grade against traditional rivals Milperra Lions, Field 2 was graced by our Over 35/1's, with our A & B sides squaring off against each other. The Premier League game was supported by a large, mainly young & enthusiastic crowd. The Over 35's was supported by the bench, along with a dozen hangers on with a combined age nearing 4 figures and a can count similar. The Premier League side was full of fit & skillful young men playing the game at a cracking pace with tough body contact. The Over 35 sides were full of men who may once have been fit & skillful but certainly now aren't, anyone who breaks into more than a canter is fined and anyone making a serious challenge is barred from the Esky for the year. The Premier League was awash with tactics, including judicious use of the offside trap, set pieces and positive talk. The Over 35's was awash with VB & New induced sweat, Kingy spent the entire game offside and wondered why he kept getting penalised, and the only talk evident was the pleading, cries of "Water! Water! - ok beer will do......." The Premier League showed controlled aggression along with respect for the opposition and the referee, the Over 35s showed what cranky buggers they are by continually bagging the crap out of each other and questioning the ref's parentage. But having said all that, each game offered its own brand of entertainment. For the Over 35's slapstick comes to mind, but I'm sure they have a much kinder word for their brand of soccer. Funny thing is, both games were followed by the ritual assault on the respective beer fridges and in that area the more seasoned campaigners of the Over 35's might just have the edge. It takes a whole range of ages, abilities, shapes and sizes to make up our Club, Saturday afternoon at Kelso was The Day(s) The Lights Went Out“There are not many who remember Well it's not 2017 and it's not Miami, but the lights have sure gone out! This whole, sorry farce started last year when, after numerous hearings, protests, a washout and a replay of the Under 14 Ladies Final, the Grand Final was held 2 and a half weeks late on a Wednesday night. After a great battle the teams were locked 2 all at full time and the teams were gearing up for extra time. Then, the lights went out, with no way to get them back given they are on “computer timing”. After much carry on, the teams were declared Joint Premiers, grossly unsatisfactory but the only sensible option in the circumstances. Warp through to May 2007 and, due to a washout, several sides are asked to play midweek at a couple of days notice. No matter that these are All Age sides where people have to reorganise work, Uni, TAFE and life in general - decision made, game on, get your team there. “Can we be assured that the lights will be on for the full game, every game?”, we asked. “No worries, council has been informed, there will be no repeat of last year!”, we were told. Our Premier League sides played on Wednesday night at Crest. With 29 minutes to go in First Grade, what do you think might have happened - gosh & golly, the lights went out. Apparently they also went out at Kinch, with the council's excuse being "Daylight Saving". The lights haven't already been set to allow for that? The council's computers and every employee's watch are still an hour in front? Nobody even thought to check?! As I say, a sorry farce with an even more farcical excuse. But, being the fools we are, we accepted the renewed assurance that the timers had been properly adjusted for Thursday night, so our PL2 boys turned up ready to play at beautiful downtown Kelso. Half time in first grade, one all, anyone's game - and there go the lights. No one died and no one got hurt, but a whole raft of people were thoroughly inconvenienced by a clear lack of thinking and/or communication. I have no idea who the responsible people are, but I sincerely hope appropriate action is taken to ensure such a fundamental balls up does not occur again. More Bad News - But Some Good!Well it seems this column is going to spend more time dealing with problems rather than informing this year given the number of issues being put before me. But in the spirit of the "We Liked, We Did Not Like" column in The Torch I shall endeavour to overcome the bad with the good things that are happening in & around the Club. BAD 1 - The rubbish on Kelso after training. While we insist on all players having water or another appropriate drink available at training we also insist that the empty bottles are not left lying on the ground afterwards. It is each individual and each team's responsibility to ensure that all rubbish in their training area leaves with them. 2 teams have already been identified, future offenders can be assured of receiving additional field duty during the year as well as copping a spray from our President, hereinafter referred to in this column as King Ruffy. BAD 2 - Attendance at Field Duty. Although we have had reasonable numbers for the first few weeks of the season, arrival time was a particular issue last Saturday. Field duty starts at 7 am and each duty team should have at least 6 representatives there at that time to ensure all set up work is done well before the first games commence. With a lot of late arrivals last Saturday we were still roping off fields when games were starting, it not only reflects badly on the Club, it also gives far too many people another opportunity to put s**t on me - trust me, they don't need any more excuses!!!!!!! GOOD 1 - Trivia Night. Our first major fund raiser for the year will be our Trivia Night at Panania RSL on May 19. The format will be different this year with local band “Itchy Brother” appearing live. The band will add some spice to the music questions and will provide great music to dance to when the trivia is finished. Space is limited so be sure to book a table for your team, $20 a head with 10 people on each table. GOOD 2 - Jack Fraser. Those of you who have been around the Club for a while will know Jack as the silly bugger who was at Kelso at Sparrow F**t every Saturday morning to ensure all fields etc were promptly and properly set up. After a sanity lapse at last year's AGM I am now the silly bugger in that role and I take this opportunity to sincerely thank Jack for his great assistance in sorting the gear and coming along for the first couple of weeks to help me through the process. Very much appreciated Jack. QUERY 1 - King Ruffy: Barefoot & ????? - Our President set the right example on Saturday when his own team had Field Duty. However, he needed assistance in getting spikes in the ground given he arrived unshod. Has he gone out in sympathy with Panania's famously barefoot official Peter O'Shea? If so, will he be happy to remain so when he next has field duty on a frosty morning in Winter? I'm tipping not, but I'll shout his Over 35 side a carton of cans if he does! Welcome to 2007 – Not a good start!Time just passes a little quicker each year, does it not? Christmas is a distant memory, Easter has come & gone and a new soccer season is well & truly upon us. For the new Panania players, parents & participants, welcome to the Club and to “The World According to Bell”. This column attempts to be informative, humorous, topical, silly and so on. It is my little indulgence that a whole bunch of people tell me they enjoy, so I keep writing it. I usually like to start the season with a light hearted intro to who's who in the Panania Soccer Club Zoo, however that is not possible this year due to a very disturbing letter we have received from a former Panania player & current referee. This young man was so distressed by the behaviour of OUR CLUB’s supporters that he found it necessary to write the following letter: “I'm a local boy that loves soccer, playing and refereeing. I've been looking forward to round one and the start of the soccer season as I've been playing for 13 years and refereeing for 5 years just for some pocket money. Over the last 5 years of refereeing I've done under 6's up to state league and youth league grand finals and this year having already refereed 3 Premier League trial matches. But for the first time ever I've thought why am I refereeing at all, when a coach and spectators from my own club are abusing me over every decision made on the park because they were getting frustrated with the way the game was going. For the first time I thought about just blowing the whistle and picking up my bag and walking away. It would be so much easier to just not ref and turn up 10 mins before my game and expecting to have refs, linesman and the entire fields set up to play my game and not give a stuff about anyone or anything. It's so much easier to sit with a bacon and egg roll and drink while paying out every decision done by an unofficial ref because who would ever want to be a official ref when they even get abused by their own club and spectators. I am just glad it was me not a new ref for his first game because he probably would never come back to do a second game. Just think of all the teams out there with no refs. I refereed 3 games in the morning starting at 8.30 and then played my own game and I didn't even get a referee. So maybe I should quit refereeing and start abusing referees about everything, even when they're in the car park going home and maybe I will get a referee then.” Last year I wrote a column on this very subject. Suffice to say that we all get frustrated with the way the game goes sometimes and most of us occasionally say things we ought not, but constant abuse of referees is weak, pathetic, irresponsible idiocy and will not be tolerated by this Club. If a child's game of soccer is so important to you that you need to belittle a young man who has studied, trained & given up his time to earn a few bucks and give your child the luxury of an independent referee to control his/her game, you are simply not welcome at Panania. Well, that's my say to start the year, I sincerely trust that next week I will have the opportunity to write something far more positive.
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